I found God.
Not at a lively church service or the scene of some great revival (not that there’s anything wrong with those places) but in a subtle yet intensely personal way.
You see, things tend to get quite personal when one is suspended in thin air several thousand feet above the ground, mind held together delicately by a very reluctant faith in aeronautical engineering.
But still, this conscious contact with the divine wasn’t a harried bargain over a life hanging in the balance.
Instead, it was a reminder of my life – what it means, what it’s meant for, and its limited nature.
I found God right where I had limited Him to, somewhere between the faint memory of an old hymn and the periphery of my preoccupied human existence.
He has always been present, in beams of sunshine and in the pockets of awareness I’ve sometimes stumbled into, but never more than I gave Him permission to be.
In those moments when I could see beyond myself and my endless, ephemeral to-do lists, God has been more than a concept of supreme power that I barely understand. He has been almost palpable, deeply felt, maybe even familiar.
This time, He was in the quickened beat of my heart every time the plane sailed through the mildest turbulence (it was a smooth flight). I also saw Him in the clouds, and heard Him in the loud hum of the engines that couldn’t be drowned out by the music from my headphones.
The overpowering presence wouldn’t go away, and I wasn’t inclined to shrug it off because it felt somewhat important that I bask in it.
So I prayed, more than I have in a while.
I prayed for people, for myself, for clarity, for healing, for guidance.
I asked that God remind me of everything I am meant for, so that my life wouldn’t just be a futile pursuit of fickle happiness that ends in hollowness.
I prayed for five, maybe ten minutes at most, but it felt like I poured out a lifetime of heavy thoughts. It was an unshackling and a release.
The things that matter seemed to matter even more as I poured my heart out.
I won’t confirm or deny that I was in tears, but let’s just say that I wasn’t keen to have anyone ask me if I was okay.
But I was actually okay, for the first time in a long time, because I knew without a doubt that I had been heard by the God who never leaves.