We thank people for their kindness. We thank them for showing up for us and for wishing us well. Why can’t we consciously extend appreciation to sex?
Granted, the general thinking around swapping saliva and orgasmic benefits is that one person doesn’t deserve them more than the other. As in, sexual satisfaction should be mutual. And this means that there’s really no need to thank each other for a good time.
But appreciation is more than saying “Thank you.”
It begins with compliments:
– “I like what you’ve done with your hair.”
– “You smell good.”
– “That’s a pretty bra.”
– “I love how you touch my neck.”
These things matter. They show a partner we can see their effort.
When effort is acknowledged, we tend to get more confident, and confidence helps us get better at doing things right consistently.
Appreciation also makes us feel good about ourselves, and sex tends to be better between people who feel good about themselves.
Because as much as we like to sing an “I don’t need your validation” anthem, it’s nice to be appreciated. And being appreciated could just make us give a little more where it counts.