Don’t Pressure Me

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Fifteen matter-of-fact responses to everyday duress:

1. Like you, I wake up too early and go to bed too late.

2. I forget things. I’m human.

3. Sometimes, my bank account is empty. But because clean, wrinkle-free clothes are the perfect diversion, you may never know.

4. I haven’t eaten either, but I’m not acting crazy. Your hunger is not a tenable excuse to mistreat me.

5. I’m not quite sure what I’m doing here. Shouting won’t make it clearer.

6. I’m not your maid, your driver or the office messenger. Are you sure you know what you employed me to do?

7. I’m sick means I’m sick. Leave it alone or hire a private investigator, your choice.

8. “When I was your age…” Stop, please. I don’t need to know.

9. Haven’t you ever slept through an alarm?

10. I’m in my lane, moving at my pace. You’re free to overtake me.

11. I heard the news too, but no, I don’t care.

12. It’s not my wedding. I’m not buying the aso ebi. I don’t wear traditional caps.

13. It’s my birthday, not a charity event. I’m not buying anyone food.

14. I can afford it, I’m just not buying.

15. I’m not ready. Wait or walk away.

29 Things I (Re)Learned In My 29th Year

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Notes to self and lessons from the past 12 months, in no particular order.

1. No one can love you like your mother. No one. I can’t say this enough.

2. ‘Almost perfect for you’ is not perfect for you.

3. Love is underrated. Love is underrated. Love is underrated.

4. I need my space. I’d go crazy if I didn’t have it.

5. Unless you choose to carry it around, the past is largely irrelevant.

6. Celibacy is not so hard. Pretend you’re blind and your body is firewood.

7. There’s no cure for my introversion.

8. I’m not a morning person.

9. We all need one person, just one, who never gives up on us.

10. What people call serendipity is often God’s great work in their lives.

11. You need to find yourself to be relevant.

12. I don’t belong in an office.

13. God is not a magician.

14. Having a poverty mentality is worse than being poor.

15. I can’t spend my life with someone I can’t share music with.

16. Human beings are what’s wrong with the world.

17. The burdens we mock, we cannot bear.

18. I’m someone’s dream, flaws and all.

19. I can always try a little harder, give a little more, smile a little brighter.

20. Wise people ask for help when they need it. Stop struggling alone.

21. Your pride is a defence but it will be the death of you. Plot twist.

22. Loneliness is a gateway drug.

23. Your employer is not your friend. I’ll reiterate that with this.

24. You will get hurt. Don’t let that stop you from opening up to people.

25. Not every time new friends. What have you done for the ones you have?

26. You can’t save anyone by yourself. Let God work through you.

27. Some of the people you look down on are doing better than you are. Stop.

28. You’re always better off than a number of people. Count your blessings.

29. You never really know.